We note that she's still desperately seeking...

[oursin]

According to Lori Gottlieb, all any woman wants is to be married. It's time all those singletons learned to settle for second best. And The Guardian thought this was worth wasting newsprint on why? (Its natural home is probably Observer Woman).

Are we really entirely surprised that someone who is self-admittedly in search of 'Mr That One Will Do, He's Breathing' has not yet found a man who is prepared to front up to matrimony in the expectation that he will be widely recognised as 'Not Mr Dream Man, But Good Enough' (not even Mr Close Enough for Jazz).

And that's without going into the creepy assumption that everybody is really like her, just lying about it. I should like to rub her nose against Dr Petra's post yesterday, which was about sex education and the ways the messages can be undermined, which include 'Here’s what I like, you’ll like this too (Aka ‘our sexual experiences are all the same’)' and 'One size fits all'.

For entirely unrelated reasons (which I forget) I was thinking this morning about the film Laurel Canyon, which I remember for having a splendid middleaged woman character, played by Frances McDormand, who was a respected professional in her field (record producer), far more interesting and sexy than the younger female characters though not conventionally attractive. (It's years since I saw it so may have forgotten details, but that was what I took away.)

Another 'is this woman from Planet Zog or am I' moment reading Lucy Mangan's column: she reports that Jennifer Love Hewitt is on record as saying

"After I broke up with my ­boyfriend... a friend Swarovski-crystalled my ­precious lady and it shone like a disco ball. Women should vajazzle their va-jay-jays!"

The bogglement is bogglesome.

Comments

[faustus]

It's all about Frances McDormand. Or failing her, Holly Hunter. Or Tilda Swinton. Patricia Clarkson.

[jonquil]

Meryl Streep. (My daughter: "Why is it that the only woman who is allowed to be middle-aged and sexy is Meryl Streep?" Susan Sarandon, although I haven't seen her in a movie recently.

[fallingtowers]

Helen Mirren! Glenn Close! Mary McDonnell!

[kore]

a friend Swarovski-crystalled my ­precious lady and it shone like a disco ball. Women should vajazzle their va-jay-jays!"

IS THIS TRULY THE ONLY WORLD I CAN LIVE IN

....I remember reading Lori Gottlieb's memoir and being profoundly unimpressed. It served mainly as an illustration of how literary talent can skip a generation.

[owl]

My first thought: how does one attach them? My second thought: owowowowow!

[amaliedageek]

Mine was "How does one remove them?" My second was the twin to yours.

[jonquil]

I guess I was assuming amped-up spirit gum, with an amped-up remover. There are a lot of stage techniques for attaching stuff to the face, after all.

However, I was also assuming that she's Bedazzling only the mons veneris. If she's going any lower, OUCH OUCH OUCH.

[ironed_orchid]

Your brain makes a lot more sense than mine.

[redbird]

People--including celebrities--should avoid giving advice about body parts they cannot or will not name.

At least, I hope that she is talking about decorating her vulva rather than her vagina, for reasons of health, comfort, and the simple point that the whole point of decorations is that they should be visible, if only to the wearer and/or one or a few selected people.

That's aside from "precious lady," which is incredibly twee, full of mind-body dualism, and implies weird ideas about gender inhering only in one small part of the anatomy. (Even someone who believes/insists that gender maps neatly to anatomy and chromosomes (we will skip the points about how that doesn't work) might want to consider breasts and womb and ovaries and clitoris as female.

[clanwilliam]

That's because in those peoples' world, you have to have a vagina to be female but anything on a scale from double mastectomy to failing to shave your armpits means you've lost your feminity.

[jonquil]

I was assuming mons veneris only. Ah, my innocence!

[aedifica]

Having watched the video clip acari linked below, and based on the body language she used when she said the words, I think the "precious lady" and "va-jay-jay" bits were because she was on a talk show and wasn't sure what else she could call it on television.

[clanwilliam]

G doesn't *have* any ladyparts[1] and even he crossed his legs about the crystals!

[1] Not being coy, it's just a euphemism that amuses me.

[jonquil]

I used to use "naughty bits" (taken directly from Monty Python) until I realized I was saying it to toddlers who might not grasp the irony.

[acari]

The vajazzling episode can be seen on youtube.

[oursin]

Until I actually looked at that I thought it was going to be an up close and personal demonstration of how to vajazzle...

[vehemently]

I think if I were to glue sparkly beads to any part of my body, I would like them to be a part I do not have to turn up the heat to 80 F and then take off all my clothes to see. You know? Like my elbow or my neck or the back of my hand. I can only assume that Hollywood types live in houses that don't get cold, and have mirrors built into the floors as a matter of course.

What I remember of Laurel Canyon is that the Frances McDormand character has all the personality in that family, so much so that her son fades into the wallpaper by contrast. Which is fine, right up until your mom starts a torrid affair with your fiancee! But I think the fiancee was bored with him anyway.

[oursin]

Nor did the fiancee have much personality as I recall - can't quite imagine what the McDormand character saw in her, but maybe felt sorry for her, as the son, as I recall, was spending all the hours of the day and night at the hospital (?laboratory) being vamped by a colleague.

Even the rock star was a bit faded compared to McDormand's character, though.

[jonquil]

" While some married couples were grateful to be portrayed for once as hard-headed realists rather than dopey romantics, many more c orrespondents called her "pathetic", "desperate" and "sad"."

Well, thank God for that.

"Women should vajazzle their va-jay-jays!""

I would sneer, except that my pinkies currently rejoice in one white starflower each with a silver center.

[princess]

Okay, I hate both the words "vajazzle" and "vajayjay" (although the second one gets some use from me when I have to call the doctor from work, because I work at a university and I'm petrified that my boss will NOT be understanding...but anyway...)

But I do kind of like the idea of attaching rhinestones to my mons veneris. To be fair, I will eyelash glue just about anything to my skin once, and I have totally bedazzled my face before going to a masquerade (I didn't have a mask), so...I'd probably do it. Maybe for Burning Man.

[dichroic]

I keep wondering if these people are just a little confused. Because holding out for the partner who's right for you is one thing and (I think) a good think, but holding out for the man who fulfils all your girlish dreams is another, and (I think) stupid.

(For instance, I've been very happy with my partner for what will be 20 years next month, but if you'd asked me even a day before I met him, I'd have said I was very unlikely to settle down with anyone who isn't a devoted reader. Sometimes your expectations are just wrong.)

I keep wondering if they're just confusing the two ideas, being not good at more complicated points.

[firecat]

I glanced at the initial article and thought that a more sensible way to put it might be: "If you don't make marriage your whole identity, you're less likely to be way too picky in all the wrong ways about whom you partner with, and you're more likely to be picky in the right ways."

Well, it seems to have worked for me.

Also, about this quote:

"Every woman I know – no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure – feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried."

I did actually feel this way when I turned 30. For about three whole hours. If you feel panic or desperation over something that isn't about to kill you or maim you for life, then you might want to ask yourself if those feelings actually make sense.

[oursin]

And to what extent they are prevalent cultural tapes playing over in your head, perhaps.

[aquaeri]

On turning 30 and being unmarried: I didn't feel panic at all. Mind you, I was still recovering/celebrating the completion of my PhD and preparing to move overseas for a job. Probably too busy to notice, and too busy panicking about going somewhere I was literally going to be 3000 miles from the nearest person I knew.

[ironed_orchid]

I truly do not understand this whole train of thought that runs "women are unfufilled unless marriage and that marriage will automatically fix everything and make them complete and satisfied".

It just doesn't sound like any of the women I know.

[fallingtowers]

The whole "bedazzle your precious lady parts" premise is just so inherently ridiculous that I can't even feel any particular outrage. I just pray that my eight-year-old niece outgrows her love of all things glitter before she starts giving more attention to the existence of her genitals.