I am a bad, bad person

[oursin]

But in the course of a conversation with (to the best of my recollection) 1crowdedhour at Fourth Street Fantasy I invoked the concept of George Eliot Interactive Fiction.

And o dear, I have now started plotting the Middlemarch Choose Your Own Adventure. Ms Evans would not be amused, I fear:

It goes something like this:

Dorothea Brooke:

• Marries Sir James Chettam
or

• Joins a Deaconess Order
or

• Dies of typhoid caught from the cottagers she is philanthropising among
or

• Is revealed as the next Vampire Slayer

Lydgate

• Has several unfortunate deaths in his practice and leaves Middlemarch
or

• Is stalked by a female patient to the scandal of the community
or

• Dies of typhoid contracted in the course of his professional duties
or

• His researches lead him into creating a monster which runs amok

Casaubon

• Is offered a nice fellowship at an Oxford college shortly after his dinner with the Brookes and disappears from the plot entirely
or

• Nurtures a secret lust for Will Ladislaw (why else is he supporting him?)
or

• Starts to learn German so as to keep up with the latest developments in his field
or

• Is revealed to be a vampire

Fred Vincy

• Dies of typhoid
or

• Is crippled for life in his hunting accident
or

• Does inherit vast amounts of moolah from Featherstone
or

• Is beguiled by the Queen of Air and Darkness who is in the area looking for a teind to hell

Mary Garth

• Gets Featherstone to marry her on his deathbed and is a very, very rich widow
or

• Writes (under a pseudonymn) a bestselling sensation novel
or

• Marries the Rev Farebrother
or

• Uses an occult mojo to transfer bodies with Rosamund

.... I think I'd better stop.

***

Though, in terms of literary perversions, I was thinking recently how much I would like to read Imlac/Rasselas slash, written, but of course, in the true Johnsonian style.

Comments

[pameladean]

*falls about laughing*

But seriously, Dorothea would make an awesome Slayer. And it would be good for her.

P.

[oursin.livejournal.com]

Yes, I think she'd be a great Slayer too! and it would so fulfill her desire for a meaningful vocation.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Ow! HOW I laughed!

[tamnonlinear.livejournal.com]

Now I want to reread the book and add in notes.

[gillo]

Dorothea the Vampire Slayer is an awesome concept. Frankly, Casaubon deserves to be staked too.

[oursin.livejournal.com]

And Bulstrode is probably a vampire too!

[gillo]

No. Bulstrode is a demon. Rosamund Vincy is undoubtedly a vampire, sucking souls as well as blood.

[ironed_orchid]

Oh yes!

[rivrea.livejournal.com]

*howls with laughter*

I would probably be a big fan of Dorothea the Vampire Slayer and not only because I was once planning a similar story for Pride and Prejudice, especially if she dusts Casaubon as quickly as possible.

[dichroic.livejournal.com]

I actally saw a Jane Austen choose your Own Adventure in the bookstore the other day. Scary.

[oursin.livejournal.com]

There are no words...

[buffysquirrel.livejournal.com]

Of course you're bad.

That's why we're here!

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

I cannot answer for whether Eliot would like the idea, but she did spot the Mary Sue phenomenon (http://library.marist.edu/faculty-web-pages/morreale/sillynovelists.htm) long before anyone else.

Louisa May Alcott, however, would jump at the concept of choose-your-own-adventure. I like the one where Jo becomes a literary spinster, as her creator intended. But when she pulls on her russet-leather boots, she becomes a kickass warrior queen who disguises herself as a New England spinster and goes around rescuing lovely maidens from poverty, oppression, and entitlement-whore philosophers the patriarchy.

[ankaret.livejournal.com]

This is a work of staggering genius, particularly vampire!Casaubon and bodyswitch!Mary/Rosamund.

[oursin.livejournal.com]

Which plot thread eventuates in Rosamund-in-Mary's-body being carted off in a straitjacket to a nice private lunatic asylum run on the best modern principles as advocated by John Conolly, recommended by Lydgate.

[livinglaurel.livejournal.com]

Ohh, this cheered me up so much, I cannot even begin to tell you. Thank you, so much.

ALSO CASAUBON IS TOTALLY A VAMPIRE. JERK.

[blonde222.livejournal.com]

I have never got past the first page of this book but I did see the 1994 BBC version on DVD this weekend.

I was genuinely startled by the outcome (which may be because the acting/screenplay was rubbish or may be because George Eliot literally lost the plot). With 90 minutes to go, if you'd asked me to predict the end, I would have said:

* It turns out that all along Casuabon was writing smutty porno limericks in those leather bound notebooks, not themes from ancient mythology
* Rosalind does a Lydia Bennett and runs off with Ladislaw
* Dorothea and Lydgate Console Each Other (fna fna), get married and go off to India to tend to the poor
* Fred finds out that Mary deliberately didn't burn the will that disinherited him, and he never speaks to her again so she goes off and marries someone else.

[serrana.livejournal.com]

*hasn't even read Eliot and is still giggling, like, a lot a lot*

[ann1962]

I default to choosing slayers, so I think this is excellent.

.... I think I'd better stop.

No, really, don't.

[adrian-turtle.livejournal.com]

I haven't read enough of Ms. Eliot's work to know how much of this plot tree Joan Aiken actually wrote. (Though I think she would have changed the names, and possibly filed off other serial numbers.)

[ironed_orchid]

I'm thinking of Causabon less as a vampire, and more of the stuffy-bookworm-with no field work-model of a watcher.

[oursin.livejournal.com]

I think the Watcher is Mrs Cadwallader - or even the Rev Cadwallader.

[ex-lizzzar998.livejournal.com]

George Eliot with Buffy cross is not how I normally think of her, but I admit this is very funny.

[girlyswot.livejournal.com]

Oh, I... oh! This is Genius.

I want:

Dorothea Brooke:
* Is revealed as the next Vampire Slayer


Lydgate
* Is stalked by a female patient to the scandal of the community (and thus is abandoned by his wholly unsuitable wife which would be a Good Thing)


Casaubon
* Starts to learn German so as to keep up with the latest developments in his field (and then I can stop having nightmares that my whole thesis will turn out to be invalid because of some text I haven't bothered to read because it was only available in Serbo-croat)


Fred Vincy
* Does inherit vast amounts of moolah from Featherstone (because I have a soft spot for him and Mary deserves it)


Mary Garth
* Writes (under a pseudonymn) a bestselling sensation novel

There. Now everyone's happy.

[girlyswot.livejournal.com]

P.S. I think I'd better befriend you if this is the sort of hilarity that regularly occurs here.

[oursin.livejournal.com]

Only when the wind is in the right direction...